Go
by Callisto-HK
Summary: -Spoiler Alert- "I can't even be around you right now! You should just go on without me. Go!" It was the last thing Sam told him. Dean's having a hard time dealing with it. Please read the A/N.s! /Set after 7x6./
1. Chapter 1

**A/N:** First of all, this has nothing to do with my other story _"There's only so many chances"_. I'll still keep updating that one.

It's just that I kinda had to write this one down and then I couldn't help but to publish it. I'm not so sure about it, though!  
>It's really short, but my muses wouldn't just leave me alone! And I'm telling you, there was a <em>struggle<em> inside me! I almost deleted its whole file a few times! But I just couldn't forget it.

I think I know what's wrong with me, though. It's a disease and it's called "**BILWDW**" which stands for "Being In Love With Dean Winchester". Sounds dangerous, doesn't it?

**Dear Sam-girls,** I think it's better if you** don't** read this one! I don't think it's your story and I'm sure leaving weird comments telling me how much you hate me and my story won't help anyone here. **Consider yourself warned! **(It'd be nice if you read the **A/N** at the end of this chapter, though. Just so you know: I don't have anything against Sam!)

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><p>Castiel was gone. So was Sammy. Hell, so was his baby!<p>

_'I can't talk to you right now!'_ Sam's words echoed in his head. _'I can't even be around you right now! You should just go on without me.'_

"Oh, it won't be the first time, Sammy." Dean muttered in the empty car and shook his head to clear it. It didn't work, though. Sam's last word was like a stab in the heart.

_'Go.'_ It was just a simple word. One simple word and it had stung so bad Dean could swear he felt his heart bleeding.

Why was it so hard for Sam to listen to him? He could explain. He had his reasons and although he hated his situation at that moment, he knew that he would've killed Amy again, if he had to. He didn't want to hide it from Sam and deep down he always knew that it was the wrong thing to do, he couldn't tell Sam, though. His brother had enough on his plate. Dean didn't want to hurt him more. But apparently he had done it, anyway!  
>But even so, why was it so hard for Sam to forgive? Hadn't he hurt Dean many times, himself? Hadn't he betrayed his brother before? He had, indeed. And Dean had never held a grudge against him.<p>

He knew that he had done the right thing. But he had no idea why in the hell every damn single decision and act in his life led him one step closer to the edge? Although he wasn't sure what was on the other side of that edge! It couldn't be death, since he had been to the other side many times. Insanity? No, that wasn't the thing, either. Whatever it was, it was worse. He just knew that there was this edge and he was damn close to fall from it.

He felt dizzy, his vision was blurring. Funny, he couldn't remember crying. But no, his eyes were dry. So was his face. The blurry vision couldn't be from tears. But what else could cause it? He didn't really care.

At that moment he couldn't care less about anything. Anything but Sam's words. He had always been there for his brother, no matter what. And over the years he'd lost everything else. He had even lost Sam, many times. But when Sam got his soul back, he hoped that things migt get better.

Then that thing with Lisa and Ben, came up.

_'Oh God, Lisa and Ben. What wouldn't I do to hug them one more time; to have them by my side; to see their smiles.'_ That thought finally brought tears to his eyes. Sighing deeply, he blinked several times in order to repress the tears at those thoughts.

_'Go.'_ The only person for whom Dean would do anything and had already given up his everything, had pushed him away. True, it wasn't the first time, but Dean wasn't the same person he was 10 years ago. He had changed. Things had happened and he was cracking and breaking under all the pressure and burden and guilt; _and loneliness._

_'Go.'_

Why Sam could trust anyone but his own brother? Why everyone else was always more important? Dean didn't care if he sounded like a little child at that moment; he was tired!  
>Sam had a thing for monsters and the sad thing was that he always believed them more than Dean. Forgetting every other case, he couldn't forget Sam choosing a demon over his brother. And now he was at the same spot because once again a monster was chosen over him.<p>

It wasn't Sam's fault! _He _was the one to blame. He hadn't learned his lessons over the years. He had let everyone hurt him over and over again.

_'Go'_

Dean felt nausea and dizziness taking their toll on him. Everything was getting fuzzy.

_'Go'_

Dean swallowed hard. "Alright, little brother."

And that was the last thought that passed Dean's mind before losing consciousness and the control of his so not beloved car.

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**The end? Or not!**

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><p><strong>AN 2 :** I don't know if I should continue this one or leave it here. If I leave it here, it could be considered a _Tragedy_! I usually don't do tragedies, but I think it won't be that bad if I do, just this one time!  
>Then again, I still can continue it and turn it to another<em> hurtcomfort-Angst_! (I even have some idea about how to continue it!)

**It's up to you. Do you think I should go on and fix everything? Or I should just let things stay this way?**

I'm really not against Sam. I **_do_** like him. If I'm writing like this, doesn't mean that I hate him or anything. I don't know, my next story could have a real sweet Sam in it. Who knows?  
>And even now, I don't intend to write him all dark and evil! Because he's not evil. You'll probably believe me later! Anyways, I can't separate the boys. At least not for long!<p>

**Tell me what you think, but whatever happens please don't hate me! Please? :D**

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	2. Chapter 2

**A/N:** I kinda believe that I should leave this one right where it is. But you guys wanted me to continue it and I couldn't resist! So I did it! Once I wrote it and it was almost finished, but I didn't like it at all, so I decided to change it all together! I thought about other scenarios, for days, but this one won!

Now, I'm still not sure. I'm a little afraid that I might ruin a good story (or at least an acceptable one!) by adding these chapters to it!

And I should say that I totally liked the way they fixed things in the show!** Episode 7 was really great.**  
>It means that this story is just an alternate ending; in case Dean had the accident that I created for him and didn't see Sam in Lily Dale.<p>

Hope you don't find it too OOC! With what I had on my mind, I couldn't write our guys any other way, I tried to stay loyal to the show, though.

**I also should thank everyone who has read, reviewed, alerted or favorited this story! Every single comment and alert meant the world to me! Thank YOU! :)**

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><p>.<p>

"Bobby?" Sam answered his phone on the second ring.

"Sam, where the hell are you boys? I've been trying to reach you for the last 2 hours."

"You haven't called me."

"No, but I've tried Dean's number more than two hundred times."

"I don't know about Dean. We separated our ways." Sam answered coldly.

"You did what? Why?"

"You heard me Bobby. What do you want? Is it another job?"

"What do you mean you got separated? Why would you do something like that?"

"That's something between me and Dean."

"Like hell it is. What's going on, Sam?"

"Alright, you wanna know the truth? Here's the truth; he's lied to me; he killed my friend. I couldn't stand being around him, so I told him to go away."

On the other side Bobby was totally silent, he didn't know how to digest those information.

"Now, what do you want?"

"Sam, you're kidding me, right?"

"Why the hell would I joke about something like that? He betrayed me. My own brother betrayed me and I'm really not in the mood right now, so either tell me what you want, or just hang up."

"Dammit, you idjits." Bobby cursed. "What the hell is wrong with you two? You don't have enough problems; you have to create new ones?"

"Try and tell that to Dean."

"I would if I could find him. But I'd rather throttle you, now. I don't know the whole story but whatever it was, you shouldn't have separated your ways."

"Like you said, yourself, you don't know anything; so spare me."

"Dammit Sam. When are you goi-"

"Call me when you have something more than a lecture. I gotta go." Sam said icily and hung up.

Bobby stared at his phone and cursed before calling Sam again.

"What?" Sam sounded frustrated.

"Watch your tone when you talk with me, boy. I'm not your brother who smiles at you no matter what you do. Where did you see him last? What aliases do you guys use now?"

"Somewhere out of Ankeny, Iowa. Tom Smith. Anything else?"

Deep down, Sam wanted to ask Bobby to give him a call when he found Dean. He was worried when Bobby said he couldn't find Dean. But the anger he felt toward his brother didn't let him show his concern.

Bobby hung up with no more words. He was angry with both of them. He didn't know the whole story but he was sure that if Dean had killed someone he must've had a good reason and honestly Bobby still couldn't trust Sam completely, he would never tell anyone that, however. So he had to find Dean in order to realize what was going on. At least he could talk to Dean.

...

It had been two months since the last time Sam had talked to either Dean or Bobby. The whole time, he had found his own hunts and had taken care of them. He knew how to research and how to hunt. He didn't need anyone. He could hunt solo. But somehow it didn't feel right. Day after day he felt more and more stressed, he needed his family around, no matter what he said.  
>He just wasn't the type of guy who could admit when they were wrong or when they needed something and that was why he couldn't call Dean or Bobby.<p>

But finally after two months, he couldn't take it anymore. He was worried about Dean, it wasn't like him to not call his brother for two months and he had checked, there wasn't even a single message from Dean. Nothing at all.

Taking a deep breath, he grabbed his cell phone and hovered on Dean's number for a few seconds before changing his mind. He went down the list and dialed Bobby's number instead.

"Singer." Came the gruff voice from the other side.

"Bobby, it's me. Sam."

"I can read your name on my phone screen; in spite of everything I still have your name on my list. What do you need?" he said grumpily.

"OK, I know it's been a long time and I wasn't the nicest person last time we talked, but why so grumpy?"

"No offense, boy, but you haven't been the nicest person for ages, now. Last time we talked, you were pure annoying. What do you want Sam? I don't have time for smalltalk." It wasn't like Bobby to talk that way, but the past two months hadn't been easy on him and he was mad at Sam for not calling. Not even once.

"You're still mad at me." Sam concluded.

"No shit."

"Bobby, I'm sorry. Alright? I was angry, but it was two month ago for God's sake."

"Tell me about it. Are you alright?" Bobby asked instead of thinking about Sam's words.

"I'm fine. Everything is fine-ish."

"What do you mean? What's wrong?"

Sam could hear the concern in Bobby's voice, which brought a smile to his face. At least Bobby didn't hate him. "Nothing. Nothing is wrong with me. Everything is good. I'm-.. It's just.. Bobby? Will you kill me if I say I'm worried about Dean and I couldn't call him and talk to him?"

There was silence on the other side before Bobby finally talked in an even grumpier tone. "So you finally came to your senses. After two friggin' months. About time."

"You're right to be pissed." Sam sighed. "Is he alright? Tell me he's fine and I'd never bother him again. I mean, I don't think I could forgive myself for the past two months or the way I treated him before leaving, so I can't expect him to forgive me. I just need to know he's fine."

"If after this whole time you still think that this is what he wants; that he wants to be alone or he's better off without you, then you're dumber than what I think."

"I screwed up, alright? And I'm sorry. I was angry but the more I think about it, the more I know that I'd have done the same thing if it was any other monster. I know it took me a pretty long time to admit it, but I'm doing it now. Isn't that enough?"

"No Sam. It's not. Sometimes just being sorry isn't enough. _'Sorry'_ is just one word when you don't mean it. And unfortunately sometimes it's too late to even _say_ that one little word."

Sam's stomach had clenched. "What.. What do you mean?" his tone wasn't above a whisper. "Please, Bobby. Please tell me he's fine."

Bobby was silent for so long that Sam thought he'd hung up, but then he talked; his voice dark and sad. "I wish I could."

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**... TBC ...**

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><p><strong>AN: How bad was that? !**

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	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: I didn't intend to update today! But I figured it's not fair to keep you waiting! You guys have been really supportive; I couldn't do that to you! :D  
>I just hope you enjoy it! Or better, I hope you don't wish me a slow and painful death! :D<br>**

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><p><em>.<br>_

_Sam's stomach had clenched. "What.. What do you mean?" his tone wasn't above a whisper. "Please, Bobby. Please tell me he's fine."_

_Bobby was silent for so long that Sam thought he'd hung up, but then he talked; his voice dark and sad. "I wish I could."_

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Sam was sure he had a heart attack, or he might have just died, he wasn't sure. All he knew was that he couldn't breathe; he couldn't think; he couldn't talk. Time had stopped and his worst nightmare was coming true; happening right in front of his eyes.

_'What have I done?'_ was the only phrase he could think about.

"He was in a car accident, two month ago." Bobby explained quietly.

"Two-"

"Yeah, apparently a few hours after you left. The good thing is he'd gotten rid of those heads in the truck before the accident."

Somehow Sam didn't care about it at all. Who cares what the cops find if Dean wasn't alive. But wait, how did Bobby know about it if - "Wait.. How -.. Good? Why?"

"Sam?"

"Dean is- Bobby, where?" Funny, it seemed like his brain had stop functioning. He couldn't even make a proper sentence.

"He's here with me."

"What?" Sam all but shouted. "I thought... You said it's too late. You said he wasn't fine. I thought he's -"

"Dead?" Bobby finished for him. "Oh no, boy. He's not. Sorry if I scared you." Bobby didn't really feel too bad, though. "But.. You can't say he's fine. He's far from it."

Sam's eyes filled with tears. He wasn't sure if it was because he was happy to know Dean was still alive or because he was too frightened to hear Bobby's next words. "I'll be there in a few hours."

"No." Bobby said hastily. "I mean, well, I'd love to see you and I'm sure Dean would love to have you around, especially after these two months, but.. I- I don't think he's ready."

"Bobby, for God's sake, what the hell is going on. Just tell me what's wrong with him? Why isn't he fine? What happened to him in that accident? Why isn't he ready to see me?"

"Because he can't see you." Bobby replied quietly.

"What do you mean he can't see me? Is he that mad at me?"

"No. That's not the reason."

"Then what?"

"Dammit, he's lost his vision in that accident." Bobby almost shouted.

For Sam it was like getting hit with bucket of ice cold water. _'Dean had lost his vision?' God. No, nononono. It'll kill him. He probably hates me. It's all my fault. God, No. Please let it be a dream. A nightmare. Please, let me wake up.'_ Sam was shaking in fear. And then he heard the voice he craved to hear for the last two months.

"Bobby? Who are you talking to?" Trust Dean to choose the worst moment to show up.

"Dean." Sam whispered to himself.

"Ah-" on the other side Bobby seemed to feel uncertain. "It's-"

"Bobby." Dean sounded irritated. "You were talking about_ me_. Who's it?"

"Dean, calm down. It's- It's Sam." He finally uttered.

"Sam?" Sam could hear the definite change in Dean's tone. "Is he alright? O God, what's wrong, Bobby? He's in a hospital, isn't he? That's why he's calling. You shouldn't have told him about me. He doesn't need to know. You go if he needs you, it's not lik-"

"Dean. Whoa. Would you let me talk, too?" Bobby cut him off.

Sam fought the urge to scream, after everything that had happened to Dean, he was still worried for Sam. And to make things worse he thought Sam had called because he _needed_ something; not that Sam could blame him; what kind of brother would do what Sam had done?

"He's fine." Bobby's voice was back. "He's called to ask about you." he informed Dean.

"Let me talk to him." Dean demanded.

"You sure?"

"Just give me that damn phone."

"Alright." Sam could almost _hear_ Bobby shrugging.

"Sam?" Dean sounded unsure.

Sam's heart ached as he felt how stricken his brother sounded. _'What have I done?'_

"Sammy?"

"Hey Dean. Yeah, it's me."

Dean let out a sigh of relief. "You alright?"

"I'm just fine. Dean, listen-"

"You sure you're fine? You sound-"

"I'm good, Dean. Just- Dean, I'm sorry. I'm SO sorry. I don't know what to say or do or-"

"Sam, stop. I know you were angry, but I did what I had to do. And if you're sorry because I'm blind or -... Just don't. I don't need your pity, Sam."

"Dean, no. It's not what you think."_ How could he fix 'this one'?_ "I didn't even know about your accident. And, damn, I should've known. But.. I couldn't call because I... Well, I just couldn't call; you know me. But it's been a while and I regret what I did. You were right, Dean. I know why you did it and like I told Bobby, if she was any monster, I'm not sure I could let her walk away."

Dean was silent on the other end of the line but a smile figured on his face.

"Dean? I'm truly sorry. And I know it's too little too late and... Umm, kinda lame. But-"

"It's OK, Sammy. It's not like I'm dead or anything. You just be safe out there, OK? I'm not there to have your back and I know you've been doing just fine the past two months but I can't help worrying. So, promise me you won't do anything stupid." Now he sounded just like when they were kids and Dean wouldn't let Sam out of his sight for fear that something might get him.

"What are you talking about? Dean, I'm not gonna just walk away and keep hunting. I'm coming to Bobby's place."

"Are you nuts? What can you do here? I told you I don't want-"

"My pity, yeah. What if it's not pity?"

"I don't need your guilt, either." he still could read Sam like an open book.

"I'm not gonna leave you alone, Dean. Not again."

"I'm not alone and there's nothing you can do for me, now." A hint of bitterness tinged Dean's voice.

_'I know. I'm too late. It was already too late from the beginning of this little show.'_ Sam thought ruefully. "_I_ need to see you. Please?"

Dean pondered for a few seconds before giving up. He wanted to see Sam, too. OK, maybe _seeing_ wasn't an option anymore, but he still could feel his presence and that'd lessen his anguish. "I'll be here."

Sam sighed in relief, he didn't know what he'd do if Dean didn't want him there. "Thanks, man. I'm not far away. I'll be there shortly."

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**... TBC ...**

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><p><strong>AN: You're not too disappointed, are you? !**

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	4. Chapter 4

_**A/N: Thank you all for your support. Seeing you adding my story or me to your favorite lists made me think that I must not be doing a terrible job. So, thanks! It _**always **_means a lot.** _

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_"I need to see you. Please?"_

_Dean pondered for a few seconds before giving up. He wanted to see Sam, too. OK, maybe seeing wasn't an option anymore, but he still could feel his presence and that'd lessen his anguish. "I'll be here."_

_Sam sighed in relief, he didn't know what he'd do if Dean didn't want him there. "Thanks, man. I'm not far away. I'll be there shortly."_

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><p>.<p>

During the whole way to Bobby's, Sam wished he hadn't insisted so much on seeing Dean.  
>Not that he didn't want to see his brother or hadn't missed him. No, he was worried as hell and somehow he couldn't realize how he had managed to stay away for so long. But the thing was that he didn't know how to face his brother, who couldn't see him anymore. He felt responsible and guilty, Dean would probably say that it wasn't his fault, but he couldn't shake the feeling. He was sure that things wouldn't get this bad if he hadn't left his brother in the first place.<p>

With his heart in his throat Sam knocked at Bobby's door.

A few seconds later the door got open with Bobby standing behind it, looking ten years older than the last time Sam had seen him.

"Bobby. You alright?" Sam asked, concerned. Bobby really looked tired and older.

"Hello, Sam. I'm fine. I think _'long time no see'_ is appropriated now. Come on in." he said and held the door open.

"Thanks." Sam walked in and looked around for Dean.

"He's sleeping." Bobby informed when he saw the look on Sam's face.

"Sleeping? It's 11 am."

"Yeah, well, he sleeps a lot, lately. It's... I don't think I can blame him." he shrugged. "Days and nights aren't that different for him now and although he's trying to look as strong as usual, I can say that he's losing it. It's all too much to take, even for him."

Sam sank into the sofa. "I still can't believe it. What happened?"

"He had an aneurysm and that's why he'd lost the control of his car."

Sam couldn't believe his ears. "Aneurysm?"

"Yes, he had a brain surgery and his doctors said that things looked fine. But it might come back." he added worriedly. "He should be extra careful. Less alcohol, more sleeps, less stress and a few other things."

"That why he..." Sam had a hard time thinking about Dean, his older brother, blind. "You know-"

"Lost his vision?"

Sam nodded.

"Pretty much. It was the reason in the beginning, but the accident made things worse. They... They found him two days later in the wreckage. _TWO_ damn days later. His doctor said he was barely alive when they brought him to the hospital. It really was a miracle that he survived this one. But if he could receive immediate medical attention, he wouldn't have lost his sight." Bobby didn't want to blame anyone, but he couldn't help thinking that Dean shouldn't have spent almost 48 hours in a car wreckage; trapped and alone, waiting for death to take him away.

He had been conscious at some point and it was clear that he could remember it very well, despite everything else that he had been through.

He was trying to hide it, but sometimes Bobby could hear him panting after jolting awake from one of his nightmares. And opening his eyes, not being able to see a damn thing wasn't helpful, either. Usually Dean would spend more time in the other room when he had a nightmare. He didn't want to be near anyone and Bobby knew that he needed his space and time, so he would stay away.

"At first, he wouldn't speak more than a few words; he was too quiet. Spending two days alone in a situation like that; not being able to see a thing, tends to do that to you." he said bitterly.

Sam was shaking, slightly, unable to utter a word.

"That boy is damn stubborn, though." Bobby chuckled. "Even after everything he had been through, he didn't give up. His doctors thought that... they said he still had a chance to regain his vision. But it has been two months and I think he's losing hope. It's good that you're here, but Sam, if you wanna pick another fight or leave abruptly again, you better go now, before he wakes up. It'll hurt less to think you didn't show up than seeing you walk away." _'Or feeling; whatever.'_ he thought dolefully. "The last two months have been hard; he can't go through that again and it took a lot of work to get him where he's now."

"I would never do that." Sam protested." But I guess I deserved it." Sam nodded, knowing why Bobby was angry and concerned.

"So, how are you? Everything alright?"

"Define alright." Sam rubbed his temple. "Just doing the job, you know? How about you? You have stayed at home with Dean all this time?"

"You kidding me? If he _feels_ that I'm babysitting him, he won't hesitate to kill me. With or without eyesight."

"Damn right I won't." Dean growled as he slowly found his way into the living room. "Hey there, Sammy."

"Dean." Sam jumped to his feet, but he wasn't sure whether or not he could stay in that position for long. The sight of Dean was heartbreaking. If he thought Bobby looked tired, seeing Dean made him consider Bobby as a totally fresh and happy guy.

His brother had a smile on his face, but it wasn't even remotely close to Dean's usual happy smiles. He was tired through and through and Bobby was right, it seemed like Dean was barely keeping it together.

He also had changed. Sam could see that the hairs on the back of Dean's head were shorter; a clear sign of having a brain surgery. He was wearing a stubble beard, which was understandable since he couldn't use a razor to shave it off completely. And God his eyes; they were glazed and dull; looking at nothing in particular.

"I... It's good to see you, man." Sam said quietly, but squeezed his eyes shut and mentally cursed himself, as he realized what he had just said.

Dean laughed, though. "Yeah, I wish I could say the same thing, but hey, it's good to hear you."

Sam dropped his eyes to the floor and stood there, not sure what to do next.

"I'm not fragile, you know? You can talk and you sure can _sit_." Dean said as he found the chair for himself and sat down.

"Umm- OK." Sam smiled. Bobby was right, again. Eyesight or not, Dean was still Dean. He could feel what his brother was doing just by listening to his breathing.

"So, how's everything?"

Sam wasn't sure how to answer that one.

"Sam, stop acting like I'm gonna have a break down any second or I'll break your face." Dean growled. "That's way I didn't want you to come."

_OK, Dean wasn't as patient as before and he sounded really frustrated._ Sam made a mental note to himself before speaking up saying "OK. OK. Well, things are... Umm, not bad? I think. They're.. I don't know. Honestly, I just work the cases. Nothing special." he shrugged even though Dean couldn't really see him.

"How about yourself? You know, hearing things."

"I still hear him sometimes." Sam confessed. "But like I told you before, I have it under control. It was easier when you were around; maybe he was scared of you."

"Oh, he should be. But, you do realize that there really isn't anything around to be scared of me, right?"

"Hmm, whatever. So... Bobby-" he looked around and realized for the first time that Bobby wasn't in the room with them, anymore.

"He went outside." Dean told him, feeling why he had stopped talking mid-sentence.

"Huh, when?" Sam blinked. Dean seemed even sharper than before. "Anyway, umm, he said that there are still chances of you regaining your eyesight."

"Doctors say a lot of thing." Dean said bitterly.

"You can't give up, though. We both know that if you wanna do something, nothing in this-... well, in _any_ world can stop you."

Dean snorted. "That works just when I've some control over things. I can't order or make my damaged nerves heal."

"If they say it's possible, it means your nerves aren't damaged beyond repair."

"If my eyesight hasn't improved after two damn months, it means they were wrong." Dean was tired; he didn't know why Sam couldn't leave it alone. He didn't need or _want_ to think about it, anymore.

Alright, he might have hidden the fact that he could recognize the shadows, sometimes; but he didn't want to get his and his brother's hopes up.

It hadn't really changed the last four weeks, anyway. Just in a really bright place he could recognize a few things and even then it was too hard to recognize a shape and impossible to individualize the differences between Sam and the sofa. All he could see was the light and if somewhere was dark, it meant that something was blocking it.

"What if I find someone who can help?" Sam challenged.

"What? Hell no, Sam." he didn't need another faith healer. One faith healer was one too many.

"Why not?"

"Because I said so." he said in a despondent, yet angry tone.

"O, yeah? Are you enjoying being blind? Is that it? You wanted to stop hunting so bad that you don't mind being a burden?" Even before letting those words fall out of his mouth, Sam knew it was the wrong thing to say.

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**... TBC ...**

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><p><em><strong>AN:** Alright now, don't get mad and please don't kill me! Believe me, I know what I'm doing! And hopefully you don't have to wait too long, this time to see what happens next!_

**_How was that, anyway? !_**

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	5. Chapter 5

_"What if I find someone who can help?" Sam challenged._

_"What? Hell no, Sam." he didn't need another faith healer. One faith healer was one too many._

_"Why not?"_

_"Because I said so." he said in a despondent, yet angry tone._

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"O, yeah? Are you enjoying being blind? Is that it? You wanted to stop hunting so bad that you don't mind being a burden?" Even before letting those words fall out of his mouth, Sam knew it was the wrong thing to say. He just repeated what he had heard.

Lucifer. Yeah, that was the one who had made him say those stupid words. Okay, there was no actual force behind it, but getting angry, Sam suddenly forgot how to ignore it.

Dean fell silent. Sam watched, as a bunch of different emotions crossed his brother's face, he wanted to take his words back, before kicking himself unconscious. But it was too late. Dean closed his eyes, and turned his head away.

"Dean-"

"Go." Dean didn't let him talk. "Go, Sam. Just go." There was an unpleasant edge to Dean's voice that Sam had never heard before. "Go back to your life. I didn't ask you to come; I didn't call you the past two months because I didn't want to be what you think I am and I tried to not be one on Bobby." Dean didn't want to use the word '_burden_'. Because truth to be told, that was exactly what he felt like the entire time since he'd lost his vision. "But you're right; that's what I am." he said quietly. "I'm not gonna stop you, though. Go."

"Dean, I didn't mean it like that."

"Yes, you did." Dean stood up sharply. "Go, Sam. I'll be fine. I don't need you to hold my hands. I'll somehow find my way; just like how I've done it before." he said as he slowly found his way out of the room before stopping shortly to add "Just be careful out there." he hated himself for not being able to storm out of the room; for having to walk slowly and carefully, even thought he knew his way around Bobby's place like the back of his hand.

But what other choice did he have? His life had changed and he had to deal with it.

Sam didn't know how to stop him; how to fix it; how to apologize. Had anyone ever told him something like, he'd yell at them till he was blue in the face. But yelling wasn't usually Dean's thing; not when it came to Sam, anyway.

He stood up and stormed out of the cabin. Once outside he couldn't hold the yell of frustration anymore. "Dammit. Dammit; dammit... Why..." His tone dropped. "Why the hell can't you leave me alone?" he punched the nearest wall and sank down to the floor; he knew he should feel pain, but he didn't.

"He's not a burden." Bobby rebuked as he appeared behind him, sounding more disappointed than angry. "I told you that if you want to destroy everything you should leave. Why did you say something like that? To your own brother?"

Sam turned around and wiped his eyes. "I didn't want to, Bobby. I swear. He's not a burden, he can never be. If anything, it's always been the other way around. Even if he never gets his eyesight back, I'll happily stay with him."

"Then why?" he asked, his tone almost accusatory.

"It wasn't me." he said quietly.

"What do you mean?" Bobby gave him a level look.

"I.. I still can hear Lucifer. And I don't know why, I just repeated the words that he said. Now.. Look at this, one again I've screwed up. Dean's not the one we should be worried about. _I_ am. I can't do this anymore. I'm not reliable."

Bobby was silent. He felt bad for Sam, but there wasn't a thing he knew about psychological problems. Turning around to find Dean standing by the door frame, Bobby got the message and silently walked away.

"Sam." Dean called when he felt they were alone.

Sam jumped up. "Dean-"

"It's OK."

"Dean, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, man. I'll go if you want, because you've every right to hate me. Just please, let me come back every now and then. I.. I know that I-"

"Sam. I heard you. It's OK. I don't want you to leave. I mean, I want you to have your life but you're my brother, I can never hate you and you can come back whenever you want."

"What if I don't wanna leave?"

"Then we both will be a burden on Bobby."

"None of you are burden. Dammit." Bobby shouted from inside the house.

"Will you stop eavesdropping? Why did you leave if you wanted to listen to us, anyway?" Dean shouted back.

"I gave you some space." Bobby came out.

"Your definition of 'giving space' is funny."

"The point is both of you are welcome here as long as you want. End of discussion." and then he walked back inside and shut the door.

"Bet he's just standing behind the door." Dean leaned against the wall.

Sam chuckled. He wanted to talk about finding a specialist again, but he stopped himself in time. He didn't want to get Dean's hope up or upset him again. He had to look for a way and just if he was sure enough, he would tell Dean about it.

"We good? Can I stay?"

"We're good." Dean replied. "But seriously Sam, you stop your regular life or hunting just for being around me and I'll throw you out." he added firmly.

"Gotcha."

"Good." Dean nodded and headed back inside the cabin.

...

A few days later Sam had found some promising information about a specialist and talked to Bobby about it.

The last few days had been so hard for him. Watching Dean staring always ahead, not seeing the anguish in Sam and Bobby's face; touching everything to make sure he wouldn't do anything wrong or eating as little as possible was killing Sam.

Now he knew why Bobby looked so tired. It wasn't easy to watch a loved one suffer like that. And Dean would hardly leave his position on the sofa or his bed. He was trying to stay out of the way and was quieter. They didn't know what he was thinking about, but it was clear that it wasn't positive and helpful.

Dean was turning into a shell of himself. Even Sam's presence hadn't changed much. They would spend some time talking about everything and anything but that wasn't enough. Dean used to be so active and always on the move; he needed to do something; to hunt. Having to stay all the time in a room, not even able to read a paper was actually just a torturous way to kill him; even if he pretend that he was fine.

The only way to help him was to find some specialist who could give him his eyesight back.

"I think it's time we tell him."

"Tell me what?"

"How do you do that?" Sam exclaimed.

"Do what?" Dean asked innocently, even though he knew perfectly what Sam meant.

"You know what I'm talking about, this arriving at the ... I don't know, _wrongest_ moment?"

Dean shrugged. "I used to be the best hunter out there."

_'Great, he's talking about it in the past tense'_ Sam thought as Bobby decided to play along. "You wish."

"Ah, come on, Bobby. You know that's true. So, what are you two planning on, now?"

"I think I've found someone who can help you."

Dean turned his head and stared at Sam like he could really see him.

Sam felt his heart beat accelerated. "It's worth a shot, Dean. I've talked to him and sent him your tests. He says your chances are good. Please. Let's try this one, too. He's one of the bests."

"Alright." he said a few seconds later. He _did_ want to regain his vision; he was tired of the darkness and if there was the slightest chance, Dean wanted to take it.

"Dean. It won't hurt. Why are you so-"

"Sam." Bobby stopped him.

"What?"

"He said 'alright'."

"What?" Sam looked incredulously between Dean and Bobby.

Dean rolled his eyes. "Bobby, you've to let him just talk when he's like that. He's prepared a long lecture to convince me."

"What's happening to him, now?" Bobby asked next, like Sam wasn't in the room.

"Is he looking between you and me with an open mouth?" Dean asked.

"Yeah. I think he just caught a fly."

"Hmm, that's why I told you to let him talk."

"Yeah, mock me all you want."

"Now he's pouting." Dean smirked.

"He sure is. Should we leave him alone for a while? Seems like he's having problem digesting your answer."

Sam rolled his eyes and turned his attention back to his laptop, a lopsided grin on his face. It was good to hear Dean teasing him genuinely. He'd always complain about it, of course. He needed to make Dean fight, to keep his hope up because Dean would get better, as long as he knew he had his family's support. That was all he needed.

Sam had made a mistake but maybe he still had a chance to fix it; maybe he hadn't run out of chances, yet. Sam was counting on Dean's gracious and forgiving nature and could only hope that he wouldn't make another mistake, because who knew, one day he might actually be too late.

He knew he could always count on Dean, even when he actually needed the strength for Dean's sake. His brother was always there for him, now he was determined to return the favor. For him, it didn't matter if Dean could see or not, Dean was Dean and he loved his brother no matter what, but if Dean needed his eyesight to bounce completely back, Sam would try everything in his power to make that happen.

**.**

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**-The End-**

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_**How was that? !**_

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_****A/N:** I know you might think it's not a good ending, but I felt like it's better if I leave it here. I mean the rest is obvious and if I write it, it'd be just some medical stuff. (I don't think anyone of you is really interested in that.)**_

_I don't know why, but in reality things usually don't end well. I even thought about writing this one as a tragedy, because it's not like you always can make it up to someone you've hurt and unfortunately in the real life, it's usually like that. But I couldn't do that to Dean, it's just not in me! :D  
>This is just a fiction, so I figured I could give everyone another chance! However, since I still had the real world and its limited chances in my mind, I took Dean's eyesight for a while! Sam needs to know that someday it might be really too late.<br>_

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_By the way, I know a few things about aneurysm and I've done some more research on it, but this story is not supposed to be used as a medical resource! So, forgive me if there's any mistake, but -like I mentioned before- this is just a fiction and I needed to change a few things in order to save Dean!  
>Hey, Dean needs his eyesight back and we need him back in the game! ;D<em>

_*** I'm really grateful for all your support! Every single notification that I received meant the world to me! Thank you! :)** *****  
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